Well, having a second baby is one of the hardest decisions to make ! There are no set of rules about the best time to be the Parents all over again and despite your best planning, your next baby may come at altogether a different time than you ever expected ! If you are planning to be pregnant or are pregnant with your second child and experiencing similar feelings, I will tell you this:
Adding a second child was an adjustment. Sanvi was just 8 months old when I conceived my second one. We accepted the things as they came but somewhere inside, I secretly feared we’d made a terrible mistake. Dishika, being a new baby, demanded constant attention and required maddeningly little sleep. I was too occupied with both of them that little did I feel my own existence for months!!! I used to keep my feelings to myself because it was hard for someone else to understand. With two C-sections in a span of 18 months, I developed weakness inside. However, that was not apparent looking at me , lol 😛 😛
But slowly and gradually I realised that the upbringing in their initial years will have a make or break impact on them. I gave due attention to my kids and my health too. There are some aspects to being a parent that a non-parent would never know. My kids became the reason for my speedy recovery and today , every day I am loved by my children to the most!!!
With each new child, the family dynamics changes. Below are some aspects which need to be taken care of before planning ahead for a second baby:
Age Gaps between the Kids :
Some couples think that the older your first child, the better. That way they’ve had plenty of time with you before their sibling comes along. They will probably be old enough to understand and even talk about the effect another child might have.
Other families favour small age gaps, suggesting that it ensures your children will be playmates for life. Having your children in quick succession may also mean that you won’t be spending the rest of your life raising babies and toddlers.
Your own Age :
Unfortunately, parental age matters, especially for women. Talk about the age question with your partner: Many people have a vision of how old they want to be when they’re finished having children. However, there are no hard and fast cut-offs in terms of your age. Fertility rates do drop dramatically once you reach 35, but many women still successfully conceive in their early 40s.
What Research Says :
In terms of the children’s relationships with their parents, sibling rivalry, and their own self-esteem, research says the best time is either when your first is under 1 year old or between 3 – 5 years old. However, babies conceived before 1 year or more than five years after your previous child , in both the cases may face an increased risk of being premature and underweight. Children under 1 don’t have a sense of their exclusive status yet so they’re less apt to resent a newcomer, while Children over 5 years of age develop the sense of belonging and behaves as Attention seekers. While it’s good to consider how having another baby may affect your other children, it is also important to consider your own health.
Your Lifestyle:
May be that you have just settled into a nice routine with your other child or perhaps you’ve gotten to the point where you and your partner have time for each other again. Maybe you’ve gone back to work and you love it. These are all important factors you need to consider before deciding for another baby. Consider whether you have the time and energy an infant requires, and whether your children are ready to deal with the reality of a baby in the house. You may end up deciding that one is enough.
Your financial situation:
While money isn’t everything, you do need some financial stability when you’re raising a family. You probably know only too well that with each child comes additional responsibilities, so you may need to budget a little extra before getting pregnant again.
Your Partner’s views:
Sometimes one partner is ready and the other isn’t. It’s hard to be in sync all the time. But it doesn’t mean this can’t be settled. Start discussing about your difference of opinions and try to sort them out first.
Your Secret Desire :
Sure, you can sit and jot down all the pros and cons but there are decisions that are led by your own heart and your basic instincts, so go ahead and follow yours. If your partner and you want another baby, there may be no time like the present.
Of course, just about everyone – from doctors to friends , from families, to neighbours – everyone would have an opinion on perfect baby timing and the perfect family size. Weigh the pros and cons and then make your own decision. Being a parent to second child is pushed by a double duty !!!
22 Comments
Nancy@thethinkinhat
Having a second is definitely a tough decision to make. In first pregnancy, you don’t know what to expect. In the second one you are totally aware of how things are going to turn this time around. Still you choose to go ahead 😀
Your blog would definitely help parents make a calculated choice.
Shokhi Agarwal
True that Nancy! Perhaps that is what motherhood is all about… Your world turns around like anything, still you love it! 🙂
Jiya B
I was always sure I will have more than 1. But have done a proper planning and ket a good distance of 6 years between the two. I loved the post and I am sure it will be a guide to moms who always have this in mind.
Thanks for sharing.
Shokhi Agarwal
Yes Jiya, there is nothing like ‘ideal time gap between two kids’. One should go for the gap that seems more feasible to them. What should matter the most is the time when you are ready to enjoy parenthood fun all over again. 🙂
Debolina
Loved this one. Completely agree with you on this.
Shokhi Agarwal
Thanks for stopping by Debolina 🙂
Nikhil
Just read ur post…it was good..Also write something on having third child….as I m in dilemma
sheerparenting
Thanks Nikhil… Are you really serious for a third one? 😉 lol
Parul Dwivedi
This was new to me that shanvi n dishika just have 17-18 months difference well this blog is very worthy at the stage when its time to plan for second. 🙂 Got good motivation and ideas for future planning thanks Shokhi .
sheerparenting
Thanks Parul…. I am glad to know that my words motivated you. Will wait for your good news 🙂
Deepak
Wonderful generalizations.
sheerparenting
Thanks Deepak!!!
Gaurav
Amazing… Very well drafted.. worth reading..
sheerparenting
Thank you!!!
Betsy Abraham
Very well written . It is definetly a very useful information .
sheerparenting
Thanks a lot Betsy. If this post can be the answer to the many questions that come to the mind of the parents planning for a second/additional child, the purpose gets solved!!!
Priyanka Aggarwal
OMG..Shoks…brilliant…din’t know that only 8 months difference ..i am still in confusion to do or not to do..awesome..blog..i likeee it..
sheerparenting
Thanks a lot Priyanka … Sometimes, overthinking makes our decisions weak, Just a Thought!!!
Nitin
In my view a optimum gaping is crucial for the physical and psychological well being of mother as well as kids .
The duration of that optimum gap again depend upon your health, stamena , your socioeconomic status, your family support etc but still some reasonable gap must be there.
sheerparenting
Aptly Said Nitin and thats the reason why its said there are no rules to Parenting…. They vary with circumstances, situations, conditions and above all from person to person… Happy Parenting 🙂
Nitin
Nice information
sheerparenting
Thank you!!!