It’s Hard to be on the ‘Same Page in Parenting’ but it’s Important too. Hard because it doesn’t come naturally, one needs to make efforts for it. Important because it is critical to be effective in your parenting! Parenting involves two different people with different interests, skills, values, strengths, weaknesses, perceptions, interpretations, etc. with one thing in common, their parenting goals . Both have kids’ best interests at heart, it’s just that both interpret best differently. In our parenting, my husband and I respect the fact that we’re working together for that best for our kids and perhaps, this is what keeps us in sync!
My daughters are lucky to have a father who is highly loving and affectionate. It is because of him that there is a positive emotional atmosphere in our home, when it comes to parenting our kids, of course, otherwise as a couple we do have tussle…. Ok, I admit, and that too quite often! 😛
He is a workaholic, I am a homemaker. He has a limited time for family while my world is limited to my family. He’s a different person that I am. Even though we are basically on the same page, we are very different people and so we parent differently. It is he who handles our kids beautifully. Does he parent the same way as I do? “No”. At times, he is better than me and I just love this fact ! 🙂
He has hectic work schedules, but whatever time he gets, he makes sure to give his 100% to his heartbeats, that’s what he call our daughters. 🙂 He is back home after kids sleep, but compensates it out in the morning time. My daughters are daddy’s gals. Their morning starts with his kiss on their foreheads and bathing from him makes bathing time all the more fun & joyful for them. Weekends are very special in our home as there is no rule that applies except to spend quality time with each other, whichever way it is! Our kids get the same message from both of us, i.e. If Mumma says No, they don’t reach daddy for a Yes or vice versa because they know either we’ll have the same opinion or will not contradict each other’s opinion. However, we are not very strict with the rules but specific with our expectations and limits in parenting!
From my experiences, here are the Top 10 Mantras to be “On the Same page” . Am I a Parenting Guru ? “NO” Are we always in sync? “NO” but Yes, we always work as a team and have a unified front in front of our kids!
1. Remember, there is no perfection in Parenting : Every now and then, keep reminding yourself, that there is no perfection in Parenting. This will help you refrain yourself from seeking perfection in your partner’s parenting style.
2. Agree to Disagree : Children get confused when parents approach them in different ways. Agree to disagree doesn’t imply that you always agree to your partner’s approach to a particular situation or decision, but it’s about not making a havoc of your disagreement and presenting a unified front to your kids.
3. Share : Share your feelings or concerns with your partner. Sharing keeps us connected in an intimate way to the details of our lives together . When we share, we can relate to each other because we’re both in the messiness.
4. Work together : Sometimes you may get things going your way and sometimes your partner’s point of view may prevail. Get together as a couple and work together as a team. Collaborating can make it easier to settle disagreements, if any.
5. Be Consistent & Fair : Parents who are consistent and fair with their discipline and who openly communicate with their children have an effective parenting that leaves less room for disagreement between themselves as a couple too.
6. Be Open : For a partnership to work, both parents need to be heard. Each of them should be open to the other person’s ideas and perceptions. Don’t be too rigid, look for a mid-way out!
7. Always handle any disagreement privately : If your partner and you disagree over how to handle your child’s behavior, it should never be discussed in front of your child. This not only send the child the message to “choose sides” but also inculcates a sense of insecurity in him.
8. Don’t compensate : If one parent is being strict , don’t feel sorry for the child and never ever try to compensate by “making it up” to him . This will send him the wrong message that he can very well switch gears between you two.
9. Respect your partner : If you disrespect your partner in front of your kids, eventually your kids are going to feel like they don’t have to respond to your spouse and can be disrespectful to him/her. They can often use this rift in your relationship to take advantage of the situation.
10. Set Expectations & Limits : As both the parents are two different individuals, so are their expectations and tolerance levels. Thus, it becomes all the more important for both the parents to set clear expectations and limits on their kids’ behaviour.
It’s natural for parents to end up on different pages but there surely are ways that can keep you going together in the same direction. Being in sync is not that hard when you realize that Parenting is all about loving unconditionally and being loved!
Happy Parenting 🙂