Chinese Whispers

I was caught up with a very wonderful mythological book that narrates the great Mahabharat story from Paanchali’s point of view. I grew up watching B.R. Chopra’s “Mahabharat” on Doordarshan and have always adored Pandavas for their courageous and dutiful personalities/characters. Today, I’ve a different perspective on this great epic. And, whilst I was reading this book it struck me that there is a common thread in the sufferings of the mythological women in the past. Be it Draupadi or Sita. The cause of their anguish was another woman.

For Sita, it was Kaikeyi’s irrational promise to send Sri Ram into exile for 14 years and Draupadi had to take the brunt of being a wife of 5 husbands owing to Kunti. Dearies, let us not limit ourselves to these mythological stories. I can quote innumerable examples of a woman being a cause of other woman’s agony. She is a sister, a friend, a girlfriend, a mother, a colleague, or any random person.

Cross your heart and introspect this – how many of us indulge in meaningless gossips that embrace other women? I candidly say that there are times when we inadvertently love to talk about other women in our lives. Just the other day, I got a call from one of my old chums and after the customary greetings our talks moved on to kids, cooking, maids and other ladies. It is but natural process yet after completion of the call I wasn’t elated and felt there was something not correct. I pondered over the sequence of our conversation in the manner it took place a la “rewind” button. And, then it was clear- the root of my discomfort – ‘Chinese Whispers’! I wasn’t comfortable discussing other ladies/friends personal issues or listening to her garish comments on the clothes or weight gains of some of the clans from the so-called “friend circle”.

I remember a 3 steps filter mechanism on selective listening as narrated by Swami Vivekananda. This really has worked for me and keeps me focused on my tasks at hand.

The first step is to think – “Is talking about others of any significance to me, my family or work?” Of course, wouldn’t you want to know if this activity of loose talks going to help you in any ways considering the time investment in it?

The Second step is to ask the other person – “Does this gossip in any way related to me and after the tongue swaggering will there be any change in me as a person?”

Finally, ponder on “Will I be a better person or have a better understanding after indulging in such gossips?”

Let us not dirty our mind with other ladies lives. Aha! Just at this moment, I remembered an interesting incident that took place when I was traveling by train from Bangalore to Hyderabad last month. I met with a co-passenger in my compartment, a 60+ years old retired gentleman. After the initial awkward silence, my father exchanged greetings and broke the ice with him. Although I had an interesting book in my hand, my mind was secretly listening to the two gentlemen’s conversation (my father and the co-passenger). And soon I became a part of the conversation. The co-passenger was involved in teaching “the art of forgetting” just like “art of living”. He is a visiting trainer to many noted corporate offices and practice/preach “the art of forgetting” to the young professionals and others who are interested in it. I was amused by this new method of “being happy”. It simply means that the incidents, people, memories, etc. that are not going to make you happy one need to just “delete” them (actually, shift+delete to ensure it doesn’t go in recycle bin 😉 ). It may sound quite an easy thing but requires lot of persistent efforts to train your mind. It is not easy to “de-clutter” your mind of those things that bring you anguish. We always tend to remember bad things and hold grudges in our mind/heart. Honestly, I may not be very successful in this art of forgetting yet, but I know it makes sense and works wonder. Think about this and let me know if it’s working for you. 😉

Before I leave you with this thought, I would want to mention that one of my friends has what’s app status as “I can tell a lot about a person by what they choose to see in me”. How true on that?! I may not be what you want to see in me but I’m certainly not going to get laid by your gossips. I raise above all these rumor whisperers and have a mind of my own. I’ve a fresh perspective on people, incidents, memories etc. I do not wish to waste my time judging anyone and anything! I’m my best judge and critique. Let’s have this attitude dearie, I’m sure you will realize that you’ve a mind that can decide for yourself and do not fall prey to such Chinese whispers!!

Come on now, move on from the clutter and yes, do share your experiences! 🙂